Oct 2008
Friends...
So my child came home yesterday and told me a story. This is hard because you want your child to always feel free to tell you "stories" so that they feel comfortable communicating with you. Then again you have to guide them and help them figure out how to deal with life. So she begins...
She tells me that she has a friend that said she wasn't going to be her friend anymore. So she responded, "I will do what you say!". Basically it sounded like she would do what the girl wanted in order to be her friend. That comment made me nauseous. I want so bad for my daughter to be confident and not worry about what others say or do - but then again she is a girl and we have all had that feeling at one point or more!
Then she tells me that they have figured out how to share food at lunch. It seems that the kids are wanting her "desert" that I pack in her lunch. And she doesn't want to get in trouble so they do it under the table when the teacher is not looking. She was telling me all this in a fun way - like hey we figured it out and it is all good. Well what do you do here - you don't want your child to break the rules and you dont' want your child to be the weirdo either. So, the weird thing was that she didn't think she was breaking the rules. So, I asked her - do you think that is a good idea. And she responded - yeah - the teacher doesn't see. So then I said if I asked you not to hit and when I was not looking and you hit any way - is that still disobeying? And then she burst in to tears. I was in a weird place because I didn't want her to feel like I was getting on to her and wanted to see how we could figure this out. So I comforted her and I knew she was upset because she doesn't like to break the rules. Then after she calmed down, I asked her what the friends were wanting in her lunch and she told me "deserts" so I said why don't we save those special deserts for home so that you don't have to worry about them wanting those any more. She thought that was a great idea - and mind you, my daughter loves deserts!
We also talked about how we need to not do what our friends say when it is wrong, even if they say they will not be our friends any more. Still not sure how to do deal with that - so I pray. I am not sure if I should have told her to do the right thing and tell your friends no - but she is 5 and I thought - we can use this as a lesson to not put ourselves or our friends in a position to make a bad choice. Sweets can do that you know - they do to me EVERYDAY! I think I need some chocolate...
She tells me that she has a friend that said she wasn't going to be her friend anymore. So she responded, "I will do what you say!". Basically it sounded like she would do what the girl wanted in order to be her friend. That comment made me nauseous. I want so bad for my daughter to be confident and not worry about what others say or do - but then again she is a girl and we have all had that feeling at one point or more!
Then she tells me that they have figured out how to share food at lunch. It seems that the kids are wanting her "desert" that I pack in her lunch. And she doesn't want to get in trouble so they do it under the table when the teacher is not looking. She was telling me all this in a fun way - like hey we figured it out and it is all good. Well what do you do here - you don't want your child to break the rules and you dont' want your child to be the weirdo either. So, the weird thing was that she didn't think she was breaking the rules. So, I asked her - do you think that is a good idea. And she responded - yeah - the teacher doesn't see. So then I said if I asked you not to hit and when I was not looking and you hit any way - is that still disobeying? And then she burst in to tears. I was in a weird place because I didn't want her to feel like I was getting on to her and wanted to see how we could figure this out. So I comforted her and I knew she was upset because she doesn't like to break the rules. Then after she calmed down, I asked her what the friends were wanting in her lunch and she told me "deserts" so I said why don't we save those special deserts for home so that you don't have to worry about them wanting those any more. She thought that was a great idea - and mind you, my daughter loves deserts!
We also talked about how we need to not do what our friends say when it is wrong, even if they say they will not be our friends any more. Still not sure how to do deal with that - so I pray.
I am not sure if I should have told her to do the right thing and tell your friends no - but she is 5 and I thought - we can use this as a lesson to not put ourselves or our friends in a position to make a bad choice. Sweets can do that you know - they do to me EVERYDAY! I think I need some chocolate...